The Life of Zelos
by quittakingmyname
Summary: Zelos feels as if he has nothing to live for, so he thought about ending his life and wrote a suicidal note to his only friend, Lloyd. I suck at summaries so please just r&r. DISCONTINUED. WILL BE REWRITTEN LATER.
1. Something for Someone Who Has Nothing

**The Life of Zelos…**

A/N: Um…I really don't know what to say. This is my first posted TOS story, so I'm kind of nervous about it. I would really like for you guys to review this, cause it's my first TOS story, and I could've made a mistake. How? I don't know!

The characters may be a bit OOC…I'm sorry for that. Also, since I'm not good at writing stories, the fact that this story is kind of a romance/Angst story makes it more difficult for me. I'm better at humor stories, But this story doesn't contain any…or minimal. I guess it's a bit of a Shonen-ai fic, and let's see…

Pairings: In this story the pairings are as follows… Yuan/Lloyd, Kratos/Raine (don't ask. I have no idea why I paired Kratos with Raine…I might change that) It has a bit of Lloyd/Zelos on the side. Not too many pairings as you can see. Oh well.

Side Note: I almost forgot! They can travel back and forth through Tethe'alla and Sylverant at will–with use of Tele-devices! Um…well…I guess it's time to start the story. I can't keep talking forever! (Or can I?)

One more thing though, '/' signifies a sound effect like wind blowing and such, and I'll usea rulerwhen I'm changing scenes or writing styles.'( )' is the character's random babble, '(( ))' is my random babble, and I'll use italics when someone's thinking.

Disclaimer- I do not own TOS, or anything associated with it except this fic…and a copy of the game I have.

**Chapter one— **Something for someone who has nothing

People passed by; always watching, never caring. Always seeing, but never attempting to help. Never showing even the slightest hint of emotion; and even if the children do, their parents keep them hushed. Always silent, ignorant, and disobedient to the voices that surely cries to them inside their head…

A conscience…

People—Instead of listening to what their heart tells them, they ignore it; and by doing so, they have left and kept the poor soul in the darkness, bound and trapped within a small corner of his lonely heart.

All alone…

It seems to have more impact on him, now. But whether it was aloneness or loneliness has always been a mystery. Perhaps it's loneliness, perhaps aloneness; perhaps it's a bit of both.

Yes. A bit of both makes more sense. He had no one to talk to. Noone! Not even the voices in his head. He was totally alone. In the same sense, ha had been longing for someone—subconsciously, perhaps. But there was definitely a longing.

He wanted someone to be by his side, to help him, and care for him in a time of need. He wanted…a friend.

Yes! A friend…but he already had a friend—Lloyd.

Lloyd was a friend anyone would hope for; a friend that everyone always wanted. He was always there, always trying to help; and in the end, would probably wind up sacrificing himself.

So, why didn't he go to Lloyd? Why didn't he ask Lloyd to help him? Why? Why, why, why?

Maybe he felt that Lloyd wouldn't help him this time. Maybe he felt that Lloyd grew tired of always bailing him out, always putting himself in danger for the life of another. Maybe he felt that Lloyd just wouldn't care anymore…That he just got tired of trying. There would be no hope for Zelos Wilder! He knew, and he knew that Lloyd knew as well.

No! That made no sense! He knew Lloyd; knew that Lloyd would help him no matter what. He knew, because Lloyd was his friend—a friend he could count on. Lloyd would never turn his back on him, even when everyone else would…They did.

Guilt…

That's what it was–guilt. Plain, and simple.

Guilt was holding him back—yes, Zelos has a heart! He felt bad that he always ran to Lloyd when he had nowhere to turn. It was guilt—the pain of knowing that he could always do it the hard way, but always asked Lloyd for help. Perhaps self-guilt, or self-pity.

Either way, he always knew he had two choices; the hard way, or Lloyd. In everything he does, he could do it the hard way, or…

'_Lloyd, can you help me?'_

It echoes on in his mind.

'_Why do I always turn to Lloyd? Why don't I just do it myself? I needed a place to run. A place to hide– somewhere to go! …A friend to talk to.'_

Yes, a friend… Someone who's always by your side, not afraid to point out your mistakes, but always lends a helping hand. The only one he had was Lloyd.

Eve now—now that he has nothing. Lloyd is the only one he can turn to. In his time of need, Lloyd was always there…so why didn't he run? Why didn't he leave the dark alleys of Palmacosta-gone-slummy to talk with his friend, and maybe stay a while?

Elimination…

He didn't know why, but he just felt that it was a simple process of elimination. He—Zelos—felt that he should be eliminated. He didn't care about anyone or anything, nor did anything or anyone care about him. Except maybe Lloyd, but he has too big of a heart.

It didn't matter now. He wanted so badly to just disappear from the world. The world so hated him, and he hated it. Thus, the never-ending cycle of love and hate—joy and despair, always had him twisting and turning.

He knew now though; knew that there was nothing left for him in this life, nothing more for him to do. Nothing, except—No! He couldn't think of that, but it was too late. He had already planned it out, had already made up his mind.

A suicide…

Yes, suicides always solved unsolvable things. Such as loneliness, despair, pain, anger, the list continues! Perhaps it could help him, too. He was more than willing to try. But the question was how?

Stabbing himself? No, too painful. Poison, maybe? No. That would take too long. He wanted a quick death, but noone would pull the trigger on themselves. Jump…

Yes, that'll work! He'd jump. Off of what, though? He's not in Tethe'alla, so he can't jump off of the bridge. A mountain…a cliff…Yes! A cliff! Maybe the one in Hima…That would work. Now for the final piece to the puzzle…

A note…

To whom…

It didn't matter. Maybe Raine…Colette, or Sheena. Maybe…Lloyd.

Yes! To Lloyd…that made more sense. Why waste time writing to someone who doesn't care? That's stupid! Then again, so was this. Why do it then?

Pity?

Close.

To care?

Yeah. He wanted people to care. If he commits suicide, then maybe he could see if they really care. He doubted, but longed for the answer. He could be wrong.

There, it's done. A suicidal note, pathetically written in confusion, loneliness, despair, fear, pain, hate, sadness, and a million different feelings and emotions; that if he was paid for it, he'd be richer than Bill Gates.

Now what? How to deliver it?

He didn't want to be seen or heard. He wanted to deliver his message without looking at his friend's face. For he knew that if he did, he would cry. Maybe even give this idea a second thought. Might even try to find a logical way out of this, a philosophical alternative even. And what good is Philosophy?

Eight thirty, that's a good time. He could sneak in the front window and set it on the table in the dining room. After all, Lloyd would be training in the backyard, and Yuan would either be asleep or reading alone in the bedroom, far away from the dining room and kitchen. He knew, he lived there once.

It was a great plan, but if it failed, he would have to hand it to them in person. That would be difficult, but it's another reason why he couldn't fail.

The third reason would've been the fact that he and Lloyd used to have something, a special bond. Unbreakable, until the thoughts became real. It was another reason he felt guilt. For two years of his life, Lloyd had been the best friend he always needed—no, even more than that…his boyfriend—a lover.

Had he realized it then, maybe he would've treated him, and their relationship, better. This situation…These situations… could be fate taking its toll on him. His punishment for his abuse; or perhaps just another hard lesson to learn.

And poor Lloyd…

Always there, so loving and gentle—A forgiving and carefree spirit. Always smiling, but always wanting. Wanting, and never receiving. He deserved better, and Zelos deserved worse…they both got it.

Zelos—Never seemed to keep his feet on the ground. Always caught in the rip current, bound by chains and never breaking free. Always alone—there's noone there. Always reflecting and remembering the times he always treated Lloyd so bad; and how Lloyd always smiled back at him, no matter what happened.

Lloyd—always cheerful; no matter the situation. Always caring, he never stopped saying 'I love you'. He always hid behind a mask. Always…all the time.

Never shedding a tear, at least not in front of Zelos or his friends. Slowly drifting away, hiding in his room. Only to return hours later with a tear streaked face, and a fake smile that always said 'I love you'.

Lloyd deserved better.

Zelos loved Lloyd, but wasn't caring enough. He wanted Lloyd to get someone better, but Lloyd didn't want to leave. He didn't want to go, so Zelos pushed him away and made him want to leave. Until, he finally figured it out, and went to search for someone new. He got it.

Lloyd's received his wishes and prayers—Zelos's as well. Lloyd found someone; he's found happiness and peace. He's found…Yuan.

Yuan—a pretty boy with pretty hair. A calm, warm, and gentle spirit—loving and caring. Everything Lloyd needs and everything Lloyd wanted. He deserves it, he's happy now.

Hmm…It's seven thirty. Funny how time seems to slip away when you least suspect it to.

* * *

Zelos, felling that it was time, stood up and slowly began walking out of…What was the name of the city he was in? It's kind of funny; he's been in this place for so long, he'd forgotten the name of it. What was it? Pal…Palma…something. Oh, Palmacosta! That's right. Palmacosta… 

That's not too far from Lloyd's home, he would deliver the note as quickly as possible.

* * *

Yuan sat on the small bed reading a random book, in which he held little interest. He was bored. He never really understood why he always read when he was bored, but there was nothing to do, and books just happened to be there. So, he read. 

/Whish/

What was that?

/Whoosh/

Oh, just the wind. Perhaps through a window or—wait! Wasn't the window closed? Yes, it was. The window was closed, or had he forgotten to close it? Yeah, maybe he'd forgotten to close it…maybe not. Might as well check.

Yuan stood up and walked towards the bedroom door, when he heard a noise…a different noise. What was that noise?

The window…this time it was the window!

Yuan bolted out the door in hopes of seeing who it was that climbed through the window. It was usually Zelos who did, and if he did, it would've been one of the front windows. Maybe the one near the dining room…

Yeah. A while back, Yuan would often notice the window near the dining room open, chairs at the table out of place, and Zelos sleeping on the sofa. Yeah…it **had** to be Zelos.

Yuan checked the area near the closed window, and around the dining room table. Nothing… Nothing except the empty glass vase—which he was going to buy flowers for, a couple of candles, and a folded piece of paper; like a note or something.

A note? That note wasn't there before, was it? If it was he hadn't noticed.

He walked over to the right side of the table to get a better look at the note. Even though it had Lloyd's name on it, something told him to read it. So he did.

_'Lloyd,_

_I'm sorry for all the mean things I've done to you in the past, and even now…I'm sorry. You've been such a good friend and I've been so horrible. I even used you, actually I think I've been using you the whole time. And just to let you know, I'm not writing you to ask for help. I'm just letting you know that I have nothing to live for, not anymore. If you want to see me one last time before I go, I'll be in Hima. But, if you're not there by nine…_

_Well, just hope you get there in time. I'll be waiting until then._

_One more thing, Yuan—I know you're reading this—treat Lloyd well. Give him all the love, care, and support that I never did. He deserves it._

_I'll miss you both, and I'm afraid this is my last 'good-bye'._

_Zelos '_

"What the hell? What's Zelos thinking!" Yuan shouted as he finished reading. At that same moment, Lloyd had returned from his training, and noticed the look on Yuan's face.

"Yuan, what's…"

"Hurry up and go to Hima!" Yuan interrupted. "You only have twenty-five minutes left!"

"Huh? What're you…"

"Lloyd, if you've never listened to me before, listen now! Go to Hima, no questions asked! Oh, and take this," he added as he handed Lloyd a small vile with blue liquid in it. "It's part of the project I've been working on, you'll know what to do with it when you get there."

"Get where?" Lloyd questioned.

"Damn it, Lloyd! When you get to Hima!" Yuan yelled furiously. "You have to save Zelos!"

"Huh?"

"Oh, for crying out loud! He's trying to commit suicide! Now run to Hima, or fly, or whatever…and stop him!"

"But…"

"Go! Go, go, go, go, go!" Yuan screamed in frustration, shooing Lloyd out the door and slammed it shut.

"I just hope you make it in time."

* * *

Lloyd wasn't so sure what that was all about, but Yuan had mentioned something about Zelos and suicide, and it was never good to have both words in the same sentence. Yuan mentioned something else though, Hima, and the bottle of blue stuff. 

Since he was currently running towards Hima, what had troubled him was the bottle of blue stuff and Zelos's suicide. Would he make it on time? Before leaving the house, Yuan said that he only had twenty-five minutes left. How much time would he have now? Twenty minutes…well, at the least.

If he wanted to save Zelos, he'd have to hurry up…but how? Noishe! Yes, Noishe was much faster.

Lloyd whistled for Noishe, and surprisingly, Noishe showed up almost instantaneously.

"That was fast!" Lloyd said as he climbed on Noishe's back. "Noishe, take me to Hima…I've got to save Zelos…"

* * *

Hmm…almost time. Eight fifty...ten minutes left. Lloyd isn't here yet…Oh well, might as well wait. 

Hmm…Time seems to pass so slowly now. The urge to just throw myself off the cliff is eating at me intensely. But I promised to wait, so I will.

Almost time…Lloyd's really pushing his luck on this one. Maybe he didn't take me seriously…oh well! I might as well wait…

You know it's funny how up until now, I was always so impatient and I never kept my promises to anyone. Is my life so pathetic that I'm happiest before death? …Well, I guess so.

Woah! Time sped up…Only six minutes left. I can barely wait. I do wish Lloyd would hurry up though, I wonder if he got my message.

* * *

Crap! I really need to hurry! I have o clue how much time I have left, but I know it's not much! I really need to hurry up; I don't want Zelos to die…Not like this. Not yet! 

I will reach him in time…I **have** to!

* * *

Jeez…Now time's slowing up again. I don't know if I can take this pressure…but I'll be willing to wait. At least, a little while longer. 

Hmm…three minutes left. I wonder if he's really coming.

* * *

I don't have much time left! I need to hurry! Oh…I can see it! I can see the path to Hima. Come on, I've got to hurry! I can't let Zelos die on me…I have to save him…I must!

* * *

Lloyd climbed off of Noishe and gave him a quick scratch behind the ears to show his appreciation, and ran up the path to the top of Hima. He only had a few seconds left, yet he had enough hope to do his best to save his friend…

* * *

Zelos sat on the cliff area, waiting out the last few seconds—holding on to the little bit of faith he had left. He kept telling himself that Lloyd would make it, and tried his best not to look at his watch. 

35…34…33…32…31…

'Hurry up, Lloyd!'

29…28…27…26…

'He'll come for me…I know he will!'

23…22…21…

'Come on Lloyd, don't prove me wrong!'

18…17…16…15…

'Please don't let me die without seeing you one last time…'

* * *

Lloyd ran up the path as fast as he could. He was halfway up, and already his legs began to cave; but he pressed on. He was not about to let someone he cared about die, knowing he had the chance to help. 

Suppressing the urge to cough, Lloyd forced himself to run the rest of the way up. When he got there, he saw Zelos standing very close to the edge, looking down into the black abyss below.

Zelos turned around with a tear-streaked face and stared at Lloyd.

"I couldn't…without seeing you…I couldn't…" he stuttered as tears streamed down his face. "I couldn't…without seeing you."

Lloyd walked up to Zelos and pulled him in close. The next moment would leave Zelos, as well as Lloyd himself, feeling a bit confused.

Zelos suddenly found himself being pulled into a deep, mesmerizing kiss. It was short, but was nothing less than passionate. He could tell that the kissing could've gone on forever and led to other things, but despite how much he missed and longed for the forgotten taste of Lloyd, he broke it off.

"I thought you loved Yuan?" Zelos had hissed the name 'Yuan', but it was an indistinct hiss, and it seemed Lloyd didn't take notice to it…Good!

"I…I do!" Lloyd cried with a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

It was kind of a 'How could you ask something like that, of course I do!' mixed with a hint of '…I think I do…I hope I do…Do I?'

"I'm just…I just…I…" Lloyd added as he seemed to be at a loss for words. "I…just got…carried away! That's all!"

This time it seemed that he was trying to convince himself that it was just confusion taking over, and he tricked his mind into believing that that's all it was…confusion!

Lloyd held back a cough that was trying to force its way out, and stared at his feet.

Dead silence…

Both Zelos and Lloyd dreaded…_Hated_ awkward silences like this one; still neither dared to speak after what just happened. Well, until Lloyd remembered the weird bottle of blue stuff Yuan gave him.

He reached into his left pocket and pulled out the small vile. Yep, still here, unharmed, full of that weird unknown blue stuff.

"Z…Zelos um…" Lloyd mumbled, breaking the silence between them. "Uh…well…Yuan was working on this project…and well…here!" He sighed as he handed Zelos the bottle, ignoring the weird look he was currently receiving.

"What is it?" Zelos questioned. The tears now dry on his face.

"It's…a project Yuan was working on. Y-You don't have to take it. The effects are…irreversible anyway! H-He said that different things happen to different people…I just…"

"I'll just hold on to it, and ask questions about it later…"

Zelos's comment kind of made Lloyd feel better. Or rather, the fact that Zelos stopped eyeing him weirdly and making him feel uncomfortable eased his nervousness. He was thankful for it.

A few series of coughs escaped from Lloyd's throat all at once. This had caused him to fall to the ground in a feeble attempt to catch his breath. It wasn't working.

Zelos rushed to his side and asked him if he was okay. Within seconds, the coughing ceased and Lloyd managed to choke out the words 'Yes, I'm fine', as tears streamed down his cheeks and his eyes began to burn.

"Are you sure?" Zelos continued to question him. It never hurts to be safe.

"Yeah," Lloyd responded, looking at Zelos with pink and watery eyes. "I'm fine. Spit just…went down the wrong pipe. That's all!" he added with a forced smile.

"Yeah okay. We should…head back to your place then." Zelos really wanted to know what was going on, but decided not to dwell on the matter. If Lloyd didn't want him to know, he didn't want to know!

"Yeah we should. Yuan's probably worried about us!"

Sure. Worried about Lloyd, anyway. Still, for some strange reason he felt a sense of hope wash over him. Maybe it's because he realized that what he tried to do was stupid, and that he should've just asked Lloyd for help. Why? Because Lloyd was his friend, his best friend. And for someone who had nothing, a friend was a hell of a lot more than he thought he had…

/End chapter 1/

A/N: I'm finally done typing! Well, I'm sure you all have a lot of questions and a lot of flames you're just dying to get out. Go ahead! If you're wondering about Yuan's project, don't. It'll be explained in a later chapter. I realize that Palmacosta and Hima are far away…I think…I usually confuse the location of Hima with Hakonesia peak…So I'm sure I messed up there. And you're probably wondering about the rating…you'll see later. And I bet some of you are wondering why Lloyd always tries to hold back his coughs rather than letting them out...Well I'm not telling you yet.

So go ahead and unleash those flames, I'm sure I'll be getting plenty of them…if I get any reviews at all! Oh yeah, and I told you they were OOC for at least a bit.

Stay tuned for chapter two…maybe.


	2. An Unfortunate Event part 1

The Life of Zelos… 

A/N: Hey guys, welcome to chapter two! This chapter is a lot shorter than the first one, but it has more heartbreaking situations in it…if you like Zelos, or if you don't like these types of worldly things. There's one thing I'm going to re-explain at the end of the chapter, because I'm not sure if I really explained it or not…but I thought about it. Any who…

Thanks to those who have reviewed this story so far.

Anima Sage Kurai: Um...yes. Yuan stays with the "chumps". I'mglad you liked the story, sorry to almost make you cry! I really didn't want tomake Zelos want to kill himself, but I felt like writing an angsty story.

VampirechildofDarkness: As long as you don't bite me...here's chapter two!

Evilmoon: You would want himto jump! And sorry...I killed your black hared man!

Clickheredumbass: Hey! That's MY quarter!

Umm.Bob: Wow! YOU reviewed this? I feel so honored! It must be good if you reviewed!

Luciado:)

Me: It's not another stupid Zelso suicide fic. According to many people, this story is good!And newsflash...Duh! I suck at writing sonets! They're too complicated!

thanks again!

Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Symphonia. If I did, do you think I'd write fanfics about it? Heck no! I'd make mangas about it! Or an uncut version of it! Heh he he!

_Italics: Emphasis._

Warning: Rape and Molestation. Not too detailed, but I just thought you all should know before hand.

* * *

Chapter 2: An unfortunate event Part I: Realization 

Zelos had spent the night-Well he was supposed to-at Lloyd and Yuan's place. He couldn't stand it there, mainly because he wanted to be with Lloyd again.

If he could, if he had the chance to redo everything he messed up in the past, he would make it up to Lloyd. He would treat him nicer, no abuse this time, and he'd keep _all_ of his promises. If he had the chance, he would prove his love to Lloyd and wouldn't take advantage of him ever again.

If only…If only… No sense on dwelling on that now.

Zelos decided to leave-not to kill himself, just to get away from this place. The sight of Yuan and Lloyd angered him, and he kept thinking that it should've been…_could've _been him with Lloyd, happy!

He slowly and silently walked into 'their' room, and walked near the side of the bed Lloyd was. He looked down at his cute sleeping face, and tears welled up in his eye. He stood over Lloyd and went to kiss his cheek. Lloyd slightly shivered at his touch, and shifted a bit-Zelos stood back. He headed out the bedroom door and-before leaving-whispered:

"I'm sorry, Lloyd."

Upon leaving the house, Zelos had decided that it was best to teleport to Tethe'alla rather than using the Rheairds. The teleportation devices that Yuan had given everyone could be used multiple times and were silent. He figured this would be a better choice.

He took the small hourglass from out his pocket, and flipped it upside down. As the sands began to fall he said the word "Tethe'alla", and in a brilliant flash of blinding light he found himself at the base of the Fooji Mountains.

Everything in Tethe'alla seemed so different. Since the time in Sylverant and the time in Tethe'alla was a twelve-hour difference, it shocked him to see that it was dark. If he were right, it would be half past midnight in Sylverant, which meant that it should be half past noon here in Tethe'alla…_if_ he was right!

Zelos decided to head back to his home…no, wait…his hometown. He didn't want to go back to his home because it was filled with painful memories of his past relationship with Lloyd. That's the last person he wanted to think about right now, but that's all he could think about.

He wanted so badly to run away from it all, but he was unable to. He wanted to end his life, but _that_ didn't turn out too well either. There was nothing left for him to do.

When he reached Meltokio, the first thing he noticed was how slummy it looked. Well, of course parts of it looked poor and a bit trashy, but this was one hundred percent slums-and nothing but.

Could things in this city change so fast?

He walked around aimlessly for a while and saw a trashy looking man bumming money off of random people who passed by. Poor guy. Actually, Zelos felt that he was no different from that man—

People would pay him no mind, unless he seemed beneficial to others. No one cared-cares- for anyone other than themselves. Even if that one person shows up and offers you a hand, it may just well be another way to make you feel stupid, worthless, or more depressed than you already were. He knew from experience.

A few minutes later, Zelos ran into a group of shady looking guys in an alleyway, who were crowded around someone. A little kid…a little girl. Looked about the age of ten or so…

Ten? My god, how shady can you get? She's just a ten-year-old girl.

Zelos observed as the guys felt on and grabbed the girl in places she obviously didn't want to be touched. Her eyes were filled with tears, and she desperately tried to push them away. The girl looked over at him, as if asking him for help, and he instinctively nodded in response.

* * *

I wasn't sure what to do in this type of situation. My body wanted to react, but my mind was completely blank. I had no idea what was going on, and was lost in a daze. Before I even realized it, the guys had stopped their assault on the girl, and were now focused on me.

* * *

A sharp pain, followed by a warm sensation, swept throughout Zelos's body as he felt his head slam against the cold stoned wall. The shock brought tears to his eyes before the pain even registered. When it did, it went from his head down, and he felt as if he were paralyzed…but that feeling didn't last long. 

One of the guys grabbed a fistful of Zelos's hair and threw him against the wall in front of him. As he hit the wall, his legs grew weak and he fell into a trashcan and landed face-first onto the cold ground below.

A thick, cold liquid slowly trickled down the sides of his face, and a drop of a red substance landed on his hand. He then realized what it was-blood.

The distinct sound of small footsteps was heard and it didn't take him long to figure out that the girl had fled the scene. The men completely surrounded Zelos, and the one who seemed to be the leader kneeled next to him and pulled his face up close to his own.

"Stupid failed Chosen!" he breathed in his ear. " I should just cut that pretty neck of yours, but then _someone_ has to replace the "entertainment" we lost, right?" The guy then licked the blood from Zelos's neck and face and forced him back on the ground.

Tears welled up in his eyes as they felt, molested, and touched him without hesitation. However, these weren't normal tears of sadness, but of anger. Anger towards them and anger towards himself-towards his emotional weakness that enabled him to attempt to free himself.

And the girl? Is one girl worth the sexual assault, emotional abuse, or low self esteem? As if that mattered now! She was safe and he was being gang raped. Is this not what he wanted, her safety?

No, this isn't what he wanted, not at all. He never felt so unloved and dirty, and so hated. He hated himself for letting everything happen, letting preventable things happen. Using his body to save a girl who would just get raped the next day, or the day after, and so on.

That was stupid!

The suicide…he should've just gone with it. None of this would've happened had he already been dead. Everything was his fault, and he knew. If he hadn't written that letter to Lloyd, if he had just killed himself then-instead of giving into his own selfish needs…

It was over now; everything was over now. The men left, the assault was done and he still felt dirty. Why didn't they turn him in? The 'failed Chosen' as they called him. It was true. He didn't fulfill his duties, and wasn't deserving of the title 'Chosen'. Hell, he didn't even want it, but, better a 'failed Chosen' than another slut on the streets with no will or desire to live; and nothing to live for. He really was pathetic.

Zelos slowly sat up, the anger inside him building steadily. He fixed his clothes and sat against the wall near the knocked down trashcan. He could feel the tears welling up inside him again, but he wasn't sure what they were from.

All he kept thinking about, and all he could think about was how he treated Lloyd.

"Lloyd, is this how I made you feel?" he sobbed as the warm, salty liquid rolled off of his cheeks and hit the ground around him. "Did I ever make you feel…so dirty…so unwanted? Did you ever hate yourself…because of me, or did you hate me for hurting you?"

He no longer felt anger, but instead felt bitterness and utter hatred for himself, people like him, and the world.

"I'm so sorry, Lloyd…I'm really…really sorry. And I hate the fact that that's all I can say."

* * *

A/N: I decided to end chapter two here. After all, I have chapter three to work on, and that's a bit difficult to write. Sorry I had to make this chapter so…uh…like this, but it had to be done. This story will go in a direction that's highly unexpected…maybe not! But unexpected things will happen! You guys will never figure this story out…I'll make sure of it! 

While we're on the subject of this chapter…Flame if you must! Just send me reviews!

One more thing, Yuan has worked on a series of different 'projects', one of which was the teleportation device. He originally created the teleportation device for Lloyd, because of his um…'condition'. No one really knows what Lloyd has, but just about anything can make him go into a coughing fit. Raine has been researching the symptoms to figure out what Lloyd has, but more on that in chapter three.

Another project Yuan was working on is the potion Lloyd gave to Zelos. It doesn't have a name yet, but it's an all purpose potion that can cure almost anything, but it can also destroy almost anything. Weird huh? I guess it'd be easier to say that the potion can do anything, depending on what the person who takes it desires most. It's kind of cool if you think about it, and the potion will serve its purpose in a later chapter. For now, stick around for the next chapter, and sorry for taking so long to post this one…I got lazy!


	3. The Secret

**The Life of Zelos**

**Author's note:** I realize it's been FOREVER since I last updated anything, for that I am truly sorry. However I am updating now, though I'd be surprised if I still had followers for this fic. xDD Any who, despite all this, I hope there are those who are still willing to continue this journey with me through these random sorrowful events in Zelos' life along with those around him. But before this ship continues its voyage, I shall comment on comments given to me like…four years ago. XD

**Draysgirl1**: Honestly I'm not sure if there will be any Lloyd Yuan…ness…or not. I tried to see if I could get something in somewhere in this chapter (if I really wanted to…I could have managed it), but I wanted to do so without forcing a situation you know? I'm not sure it will happen, but it's rated M just in case, and also for chapter 2. Who knows?

**Kurai I. Sage**: Lol!! xDD I love your comment, you're hilarious! As for the thunder blade scenario…I might have used hell pyre instead, though thunder blade would've hurt more…but she's ten so maybe Hell pyre would've been enough. Yuan's weird, really? I think he's just bored. He's probably read every book in existence so it's like…what else can I do? Oh I know! I'll invent weird stuff! xDD Sorry I didn't post this chapter for like 4 years though…I meant to finish it A LOT sooner. Forgive me? And thanks, I'm glad you like both the story and my pen-name. I'll tell you a secret I've never told more than 10 people at once… got this pen-name because all the other names I typed up were taken, so in anger, this is what I wrote! xDD

**Zel-chan**: I'm four years late but…I updated? ^^;

**Luciado**: Indeed I am! :) Aren't we all crazy? Think in this world, we kinda have to be, especially if you're a writer or artist. xD

**Blackdrak**: I'm glad you think this story is good. I've gotta say, when I first started this I was a novice writer, still am, but I'm starting to develop as a person and a writer, so the story's taking a turn that's far different from what I originally had in mind, which is always good. At least, that's what I think. ^^ Erm…just as long as soon means within the next ten years…I guess I can say I have successfully fulfilled your wish. xP

To all the other readers who may or may not remain…or comment, thank you for reading even the first sentence of this story. I'll be surprised if anyone reads this newest chapter simply because it's been so long, but thanks to those that do find this again, and a special thanks to those who actually read it. ^^ Please enjoy, and feel free to review even if you don't. Okay...so...I totally forgot the disclaimer the last time I updated, so here goes....

**Disclaimer:** I honestly do not own Tos....or anything affiliated with Tos including the rest of the title, the characters, and even their plushies. THta is all.

**Chapter 3:**** An Unfortunate Event (part 2) The Secret**

Lloyd had awakened as the sunlight hit his face, and a few coughs forced their way out, burning his throat as they escaped. He found himself drenched in cold sweat, and looked around the room to find that Yuan was gone. As he was about to get out of bed, the bedroom door opened and a familiar face looked at him in concern.

"Professor!" he was surprised to see her, mostly because she was usually studying and trying to find cures for various diseases incurable with her healing arts alone.

"Lloyd, are you alright? I thought I heard you coughing a little while ago." Her voice was gentle and warm, but her eyes were fierce and penetrating, as if she was searching for a telltale sign. For some reason, Lloyd began to feel uneasy as Raine studied him intently. A part of him hoped that she would never find out his secret, and another part of him suspected that she already new. But how could she? He never told anyone, everyone kept asking if he was alright and of course he would say that he's fine. There was nothing that would ever show he was sick, aside from his coughs and that could easily pass for a minor cold.

"Um, no I'm fine! You must've been hearing things," he replied after a moment of reflecting on her question. She gave him a suspicious glare, and he tried his best to keep from giving off clues to his worries. After much thought and a brief silence, Raine swiftly walked up to Lloyd and felt his neck and forehead for a fever. She put her ear against his bare chest, and commanded him to slowly breathe in and out. He did as he was told, but the breathing exercises almost brought a new wave of coughs; he fought to keep them stifled.

"Hm…You might just have a cold, but if that's the case I wonder why the medicine I made for you didn't work," she concluded half to herself. "Something doesn't seem right, though. I'll have to investigate this further!" She added in determination. Lloyd noticed a hint of desperation in her eyes and knew that she was willing to do whatever she had to do in order to figure out what was wrong, no matter the consequences. He feared her for that, he didn't want anyone to know.

"Lloyd," she said as she headed for the door.

"Y-yes professor?" he answered as he looked down at the floor, afraid to make eye contact.

"Do me a favor. Keep a journal of how you physically feel. Be sure to record any unusual things that occur for the next week starting today. I'm going to need that information to determine what you have and how to treat it. I'm putting my complete trust in you for this assignment. Also, Kratos will check up on you every now and then…I trust you won't lie to me." With that, she closed the door behind her and left him in the slightly stuffy room alone.

Out of that whole encounter, what struck him the most was the way she said 'I trust you won't lie to me;' It was as if she knew of his secret, and why wouldn't she know? Despite his best efforts, she was still able to see through his charade, and with her intellect, it was probably easy to do. Confirmation was most likely all she needed, a little reassurance to prove her theory had been correct. Don't we all need a little confirmation, a sign to show that we're doing the right thing and are making the right decisions? Like Zelos, poor Zelos. Lloyd decided that he would not, could not, tell Zelos the truth. At least not now; not at a time when he's feeling so depressed and suicidal...

Yuan stepped in the room to check up on Lloyd, a bit worried about what he would find. Lloyd's back was facing him, and as he silently walked towards the bed where Lloyd had himself wrapped up in blankets, he noticed that the boy was slightly shivering and a couple of coughs pushed themselves out of him.

"Lloyd, are you alright?" Lloyd's shivering stopped, or maybe it grew less distinct as he heard the soft, soothing voice call to him not too far from the bed. He slightly flinched at the soft touch of a warm hand gently wiping away his tears. He felt himself being pulled into an embrace that felt so loving and caring, filled with a million emotions, but the one that stood out the most was sadness.

As he was held by the man that loved him and all of his imperfections, Lloyd could feel the grief emanating from him. He could feel the agony, and it made him feel bad because he knew it was his pain and suffering that caused Yuan to hurt like this.

"Lloyd, what's wrong?"

Avoiding eye contact with the one he tormented, Lloyd tried to hold back the tears, but failed miserably, they continued to flow and he felt as if his heart was about to explode. He began to cry as the pain became more intense and cried even harder as he felt Yuan run a hand through his hair. A feeble attempt to calm Lloyd down, he knew. After a few minutes the loud, painful sobs began to die down a bit and Lloyd managed to say, "Everything…everything's wrong." The boy wanted to say 'I want more time,' 'I want the pain to end,' 'I want to stop causing everyone to worry about me,' 'I want it all to end,' however the words wouldn't come. He instead channeled his remaining energy into what he was about to say. Resting his head on Yuan's shoulder, tears slowly streaming down his face, he continued. "Yuan…I've got to be honest with you," Lloyd's voice was shaking as he felt the sadness within himself deepen.

"You're dying." Lloyd was shocked to hear those words; the words that were still in his mind, the words he was just about to say himself. "I know. Your disease is rare and incurable if you don't attack it in its earlier stages, and by the look of things it's currently in its final phase." There was a sad silence between them, but in that moment Lloyd understood everything. Not only was Yuan troubled because of Lloyd's pain, he was heartbroken because he knew all along that the one he loved was dying and there was nothing that could be done. Yuan was in pain because all he could do was count the days until Lloyd was gone for good, but all the while he did is best to keep smiling and make as many happy memories as possible.

That would explain why Yuan was as upset as he was when Zelos tried to kill himself. Lloyd knew that Yuan didn't quite care for the chosen so much, but tolerated him only because Lloyd still considered him to be a friend. The boy could only imagine how much his lover hated Zelos now.

"Please…don't tell Kratos. I think he may already know, but he already lost mom. I would prefer that he didn't go through what you're going through right now. Also…I'm so sorry."

* * *

Raine remained calm and collected on the outside, but inside of her was a tornado and it was currently tearing down all of her emotional barriers. She failed; she failed Lloyd, and she failed herself. Once again her healing arts were useless. Once again there was the possibility that someone was going to die because she was weak. Some healer she turned out to be. She guessed that the cure for whatever disease Lloyd had was either contained in a lost healing art or did not exist. No, she had to remain optimistic for Lloyd, for herself, Genis, and Kratos; for everyone!

With a new found strength on her side, Raine—who was currently in her study in the house she shared with Kratos and her brother Genis—began her research a new; knowing in her heart that there was no cure, but deciding that she would not just sit there and let Lloyd die without doing everything in her power to save him.

* * *

Lloyd awoke to find that he was in the bedroom alone, once again. He was not aware of the fact that he fell asleep; nor did he know how long he was out. All he knew was that his body ached all over and he felt a bit dizzy, though he guessed that he was knocked out for about two hours.

'It's almost the end,' he thought miserably. He supposed that it would be best to figure out how and when he would tell his fathers the news, or if he would at all. After a moment he could not decide what to say to them; thinking about doing so was painful enough. To keep his mind off of how he imagined Dirk or Kratos would react, he began to work on the journal that Raine requested him to do, although he honestly didn't believe he would survive the week.

_Not sure how many times I've coughed lately, but I would assume that it has, at the very least, doubled in the past couple of days, though I do my best to suppress most of them_, he wrote. A sudden cough attack hit him so hard he found himself struggling to breathe. When the spell was over, he found blood in the palm of his left hand, and encountered the familiar salty, metallic taste on his tongue. _A lot of blood has recently come up when I cough. I've coughed blood before, but lately the amount of blood has increased_, he continued writing. The pain in his throat was steadily increasing by the minute and he knew another coughing spell was on the way. _I've never been good at any form of math, but I can say that, optimistically, I'll live to see most of tomorrow._

**A/N: **Chapter 3 ends here. Just two more of these left. That's right…two! ^^ I'll do my best to not wait 4 years to post the next one! Please r and r, and thanks for reading! xDD I think I'm addicted to the XDD face, I use it all the time! xD


	4. My Final Announcement

**ANNOUNCEMENT: **I am discontinuing this story. Well that's not completely true. What I am doing is rewriting this story, because I can't continue it the way it is now. I have a totally different vision of what I want the story to be. That said, for those who reviewed this a long time ago, I would love for you guys to read the renewed version of this story. It is still a work-in-Progress, but once I have it where I want it, I shall upload it here. I will be deleting this story in about a week. The new story Will have the same title so it will be hard to miss, but it will be completely different.

I will also be adding the new characters, (Emil, Marta, Ratatosk...not sure yet about Tenebie....I may/may not) But Alice and Decus won't be there because I love Decus but I hate Alice, and you can't have Decus w/o Alice so...Maybe they'll be in the background. That's all.

Thanks for reading. ^^


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